Confidence for When You Really Need it

Written by Seán Brickell | 25 November 2011

If you were at the recent BAPC Conference you would know that 9 out of 10 people are missing out on making a better impression, improving their business prospects and even getting people to find them more attractive because of one simple communication flaw that has been programmed into us, often unwittingly.

The good news is that confidence expert Seán Brickell can show you how easy it is to re-programme this bit so you can communicate more effectively in every aspect of your life for your benefit and the benefit of others.

When we meet someone, certainly for the first time, whether in a professional or personal capacity, what we tend to do is start thinking and then acting as most of us do. The thinking can involve the following thoughts:

•    How does my voice sound?
•    How do I come across – happy, sad, tense, clueless, competent, unintelligent, confident, nervous, angry, disinterested, interested?
•    Are my clothes alright?
•    Do they like me as a person?
•    Is my attitude appealing?
•    What will happen and where will this go or not go? And why?
•    What can I do about it if none of the above is right?
•    Does the Queen have moments like this?
•    Should men cleanse tone and moisturize?

Depending on what your answers are – unless of course you’re the Queen or, as a man, a steadfast metrosexual – you can then act in some of the following ways:

•    Sound unsure of yourself
•    Appear tense, clueless, unintelligent, disinterested and nervous
•    Fidget with and adjust different parts of your clothing
•    Call the Queen
•    As a man, inexplicably apply some face cream

This happens (well, the first three points) all the time because 9 out of 10 people are simply wrapped up in themselves when they communicate. And that comes across unconsciously to the person or people they’re addressing and undermines your communication. The clever and effective 1 out of 10 think the following about the other person:

•    What is THEIR voice conveying?
•    What is THEIR body language saying about them and how THEY feel?
•    How do THEY come across – happy, sad, tense, clueless, competent, unintelligent, confident, nervous, angry, disinterested, interested?
•    Are THEY comfortable with their attire?
•    Do THEY like themselves as a person?
•    Is THEIR attitude appealing to them and others?
•    What do THEY want to happen and where do THEY want this to go? And why?
•    Do I know someone who knows the Queen’s mobile number?
•    Why is that man wearing foundation and too much rouge?

Depending on what your answers are to these questions, you can then adapt your verbal and non-verbal communications to make them feel better about themselves by listening to what they say and how they say it as well as how they act. This will make them feel special and engaged and engaging and make them feel connected to you.

The highly successful man behind X-Factor, Simon Cowell, reputedly said that when he was a boy his father told him that whenever he met someone that he was to imagine they had a big neon sign lit up above their head which read “MAKE ME FEEL IMPORTANT!” It’s true. Make the other person feel important – but not sycophantically.

Too often, people are wrapped up in themselves for a variety of reasons. This could be to do with the pressures of work, the need to feel like you can mix it socially with the In Crowd, you’re having a bad hair or even no hair day or even the fact that your waistline seems to resemble a weather balloon in a strong breeze. By just focusing on you and how you come across – as 9 out of 10 people tend to personally and even professionally – then you’re more likely to draw the other person’s or people’s attention to your not so well hidden stress as well as that weather balloon midriff you may or may not have.

But if you focus on the other person, you will not only make them feel great, meaning they like you more, but then they are also even less likely to notice that your stomach could read weather conditions at high altitude and actually feel instead that you seem a more contented person – a much more attractive state than that stressed out weather balloon look.

To find out more about gaining confidence for when you really need it, Seán Brickell’s excellent book ‘Don’t Shoot Me I’m Not Well’ is available on Amazon. It is great read and would make the perfect Christmas present for the mouse in your life.
www.seanbrickell.com