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The Pillock Theory
| 07 November 2011
This is a story I have told a few times. It is not mine, but one that was handed down to me many years ago by my old boss. It holds true today as it did then and whenever I tell it, it usually brings a smile of recognition in the listener.
Negotiation is a fairly simple process. If two half sensible people are involved, they can sit across a table from each other and craft an agreement that will bring profitable benefits to both sides. The agreement will be long lasting and simple to operate. It can usually be left to others to implement and require little further management input. Getting two half sensible people together for the task is by far the best way.
Sometimes it doesn’t work like that and the half sensible person has to deal with a pillock.
It is still possible to get an agreement, but the half sensible person will have to work hard to make sure there are benefits to both sides. The agreement can still have longevity and be put into practice by other team members. It is tough for the half sensible person in this situation and the negotiation will take a lot longer, perhaps require some management intervention, but the outcome will usually make the effort worthwhile.
You might be ahead of me by now.
If two pillocks are involved in the negotiation, sitting across the table from each other, it is an almost impossible task to reach an agreement. The outcome is likely to favour one side, which means it won’t be long lasting; it is unlikely ever to be implemented by others and will require constant attention from senior management. In other words, it is to be avoided at all costs.
Unfortunately, most companies I have worked for over the years have employed a few pillocks. Mostly they are not pillocks all the time; they drift in and out of the persona. Some of the time, I too have been a pillock, before someone has pointed it out to me.
Even more unfortunately the companies I have worked for have not cornered the market in pillocks, so it is possible that one or two may even exist in your organisation.
So be aware and when you see evidence of them operating, make sure at least one half sensible person is involved in the dialogue.
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